The Quality of Relationships Determines the Quality of Life

Magdalena Vokáčová focuses on relations during coaching also as the author of the successful theatrical play The Pursuit of Unhappiness and the recently published book A Forbidden Textbook of Coaching.

Coaching aims at the development of people by applying a typical method where a coach doesn’t give advice, but works jointly with the coached client in finding a solution for the given situation. In this way the coach helps to utilise the client’s potential. Depending on the target groups there is personal and professional coaching.

You are engaged in a lot of varied activities. If I just look at what I’ve found on the web, you are a coach, trainer, actress, writer, mother and wife. Those are a lot of roles. Which one is the most important for you at this stage of your life?
I think it’s the one as an author because in fact this role interconnects all the others. I as the coach have the greatest benefits as the author, since with each person I create a unique space. And I have a similar approach in theatre to other actors and myself, too. And also as a mother.

As to your literary undertakings you co-wrote the play The Pursuit of Unhappiness. In addition you direct it and what’s more you act in it. The play is a success, performances are sold out. How would you encourage those who haven’t seen it yet to come to the theatre?
The Pursuit of Unhappiness is a theatre performance adapted from the book of the same name by Paul Watzlawik. The topic of the play is in fact no laughing matter, because it is about the games we play against each other in communication. But the audience laughs during the performance almost all of the time. And this is my method of how to work. Walt Disney said: „I would rather entertain and hope that people learned something rather than educate people and hope they were entertained.“ This concept is very close to mine because many important things can be passed onto people via humour and entertainment.

Your book – A Forbidden Textbook of Coaching has recently been published. Why forbidden?
I was contemplating how to write a book, which would be attractive to readers as well as enjoyable, informative, practical and humorous. I was looking for a way how to create something what would be an opposite of the word textbook. That’s why I chose “forbidden textbook.”

What is the book about?
The book is composed in the form of notes of participants in coaching training and refers to Stanislavski, who wrote the book “An Actor Prepares” in the form of a diary of a drama student. My book presents various coaching techniques, which I have found useful in practice.

Who is the book aimed at?
The way the book is written allows a wide range of people to work with the described techniques, from professional coaches and teachers to the layman, simply anyone interested in their own development.

What are your main topics in coaching?
Topics are brought up by the clients and they are really extremely varied. My field of expertise is communication and relationships. I believe communication determines the quality of relationships. And then the quality of relationships determines the quality of life. So for me coaching is a method of how to improve the quality of life of others and indirectly of my own, too.

Who is your typical client?
There are three and they are described in A Forbidden Textbook of Coaching. (Laugh.) But seriously, clients are very different. And their structure changes, which also says something about the coach. In the past I used to mainly coach men. Since I became a mother, I have found in myself more understanding of women. Not for childbirth itself, but maybe it came with concerns about my appearance. The fact that I started to take care to look more feminine. Now I coach men and women – half and half and I am glad. I have very interesting clients, many successful people, who I could learn from and I do. And I respect them greatly.

And what about manager coaching?
I am involved in this less and less.

Why?
It seems to me that very often people don’t know what they want. They come to me because they want to be promoted, get a raise or improve their career. While I feel that the work with them should be based on a deeper level, on their overall happiness. I don’t want to focus on some of their minor goals and at the same time I wish to respect that the matter they enrolled with is their topic. So for both parties it is simplest to offer them the chance to work with one of my students, who I know will be best suited for the given topics.

Nonetheless, also in managerial work it is about relationships.
Definitely. That is the topic that I do coach. I work with various theatrical methods. Some are also described in A Forbidden Textbook.

How can methods you know from your acting work help a manager who for example leads a team?
In my opinion managers can find that part of my acting profession that works with emotions very helpful. Since for an actor to be able to act he must be acquainted with his own emotions and must be able to express them. And very often it is a thing that managers are not able to do. That’s why they have problems communicating. That’s why they have problems motivating others. That’s why they have problems working people out because they can’t work themselves out. The first stage lies in the realisation that you do have some emotions. Then it is necessary to examine which ones you have when, and to be able to clearly express them towards others.

How can this be done?
First and foremost it requires making time for yourself. I also coach married couples. They say that a good relationship is a priority for them, some have small children and they are also tired from work. Then we have a look at the time they have only for the two of them and they are often very surprised. Time spent without the children, without household and other duties, just for the two of them, is often non-existent. And that is a problem also in work teams, there is little time for relationships. A large part of the work content of a boss in business, similarly as of a director in theatre, is about being able to establish and maintain relationships. A good beginning is to get to know each other a little better.

And a last question in conclusion. What message would you send to people for 2014?
I deal with relationships and I can see that many problems stem from the fact that a person hasn’t accepted or doesn’t like himself. This brings about many other problems. There aren’t that many different things which people have to deal with. They are either dealing with how to find a new relationship, how to keep one going or whether to end a relationship, which doesn’t suit them. And the key to all this is to accept yourself and like yourself. That’s where it starts and really a lot of things will get solved by it. So my message is: Be sure to like yourselves.